


Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Drinking, Everybody Lives, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Happy Pack, Humor, M/M, Oblivious Derek, Oblivious Stiles, One Shot, Weddings, fake engagements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:12:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles challenges Derek to out-romance him. However the stakes are raised and the pair find themselves engaged, unsurprisingly they deny their feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short fic of 5,000 words but it turned in to 15,000 words.

“The bastard broke up with me!” Everyone turned to look at Stiles as he stormed into Derek’s apartment. Scott was the first to react to Stiles’s outburst.

“Steven broke up with you?”

“Yes!”

“But weren’t you planning to dump him on Sunday anyway?”

“That is obviously not the point Scott. The fact is he dumped me before I dumped him!”

“Did he say why?”

“Apparently I’m cynical! And I don’t know how to do romance or look like I want to be in a relationship!” Everyone in the room promptly started to look at each other or stare off at an object. The only one Stiles could get eye contact from was Derek and that’s because he was too busy laughing too look away.

“Something you want to say Derek.”

“Well come on Stiles. We didn’t even know you were dating Steven till 2 months ago.”

“And?”

“You’ve been dating for 7 months. And in those two months all you’ve done is talk about how it won’t work, or how he’s not the person you see yourself with, or the fact that everything he did annoyed you. And what about Alexa, she did that whole thing with the flowers and candles and you blew all the candles out and said you hated tulips.”

“They were a fire hazard!”

“And what about when you lost your virginity to Sophia. She wanted it to be special so she dated you and when you got to it she wanted to go to dinner and then come back and make love. You ordered take out, didn’t even clean your dorm and then fucked her and she left straight after.”

“So what you all think that I’m cynical and not romantic? Scott?”

“Stiles I think it really says something when _Derek_ is saying something about your life.”

“That is so unfair. I can do romance, I can do the whole public display, I could charm the pants off my partner.” Everyone chuckled but once again Stiles was drawn to Derek who was laughing the hardest.

“Oh what wolf boy you think _you_ can do better than me?”

Derek instantly sobered up as he met Stiles’s eyes with a challenge “Oh I know I can. I’d romance you so hard you’d swoon before the day was up.”

“Swoon? Join the 21st century Derek. But you know what from here on out you’re my boyfriend. And I’m gonna show you just how far I can do romance and romantic gestures. In fact I’m gonna go home and plan right now.”

“That’s fine with me Stiles but prepared to be out romanced.” Stiles started heading towards the door, but shouted his final remark to Derek.

“Try not to fall in love with me Derek!” with that he flounced out of the apartment leaving a pack of very confused people.

“So you two are going to our romance each other?”

“Yes we are! I need to plan, not because Stiles is but because I’m choosing too!” Derek walked back towards his bedroom leaving everyone in stunned silence.

“Should we leave?”

“Were here for pack night and most of the packs here. Let’s just stay.”

**************************************************************

            Stiles sat up and rubbed a hand across his face, he could hear his dad moving around in the kitchen and that totally meant Stiles didn’t have to cook breakfast. He grabbed a pair of pyjama pants of the floor and pulled them up his legs before bounding downstairs. His brain stalled to a halt as he took in the picture in his kitchen, Derek Hale was stood in a yellow stained apron that said ‘Kiss The Cook’ and he was plating up food.

“Stiles! Glad you’re finally awake.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Well I’m just trying to make breakfast for my boyfriend.” Right! Really Derek thought he was going to out romance him with breakfast, his game was clearly weak. Stiles pasted on a smile and sat at the table.

“Well that’s so sweet of you _sweetie_.” Stiles knew for a fact that Derek despised pet names and he smiled innocently as Derek’s arms tensed.

“No problem _. Honey bear_.” The romantic notion may have come off better if Derek hadn’t said it through gritted teeth. Derek pushed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him then poured him a glass of orange juice.

“Did you buy this?”

“Of course I have to provide for my boyfriend.”

“How sweet of you. But you know my dad can’t eat this right? He’s eating healthy.” Ha! Not really romantic if you kill my dad Derek. However by the look on Derek’s face Stiles was apparently about to be proved wrong.

“Not to worry, I bought turkey bacon for your dad and I’m just waiting for him to wake up to make him his scrambled egg whites.” Crap. Caring for his dad was actually a pretty nice gesture.

“Well that’s great thank you. So what are you doing today?”

“Well I planned a date for us.”

“A date?”

“Yep. We’re gonna go to the park for a romantic walk, then a picnic which I put together myself, then there’s a showing of an old black and white movie, and finally to end this romantic date we are going to go up to the cliff over-looking Beacon Hills and look out at the town under the moonlight.” Stiles wanted to throw up. By the smug look on Derek’s face he knew that Stiles was uncomfortable but he would not give up! He was more stubborn than this so he pasted on a smile and then shovelled his food in his mouth, fuck, it was good. Stiles had to think of a way to get one over on Derek. Stiles had spent all night trying to think of romantic crap but he thought of nothing, then Stiles heard the tell-tale creak of his dad’s bed which meant he was getting up. If Stiles knew one thing for sure about Derek is that when it came to public displays he was always a little uncomfortable. As soon as he could hear his dad moving out of his room Stiles moved round the table and threaded his hand in Derek’s hair and kissed him. Derek grunted in surprise but kissed back, his hands were still gripping the cutlery and Stiles pushed himself closer so that he was half on one of Derek’s legs. Stiles pulled back when his dad cleared his throat from the doorway.

“Dad.” Derek looked a little dazed as he looked between the sheriff and Stiles.

“Something you want to tell me?”

“Me and Derek are boyfriends and he’s got a rather romantic date planned, I was just thanking him.” Stiles walked towards his dad and smiled, he patted his shoulder “I should go get dressed and Derek said he’d make you breakfast. How sweet is that, my man providing.” The sheriff just looked at Stiles like he didn’t know who he was and yeah Stiles had never been excited about romance or referred to someone as ‘My Man’ before but come on he knew about romance.

“Okay. You get dressed and I’m gonna talk to Derek.” Stiles gave Derek a little wave and then headed upstairs.

**************************************************************

“Now Derek, thanks for the breakfast by the way, but do you want to explain to me when you and Stiles happened?”

“Honestly sir, Stiles got dumped yesterday because his boyfriend said he was cynical. Stiles was angry that I agreed and now were kind of in a challenge to see which of us can out romance the other.”

“Okay. How long will this go on for?”

“Since Stiles doesn’t know how to be romantic, I doubt he’ll last a couple of days.”

“Alright just get it done quickly please.”

“Not a problem.”

*************************************************************

“What did you and my dad talk about?”

“Nothing really.”

“Uhuh. Were supposed to be in a relationship remember.”

“Were fake boyfriends Stiles.”

“Fine whatever keep your secrets.”

“Oh for...He asked what was going on with us and I explained.”

“Okay. Are we nearly at the park?”

“You know we are.”

“Brilliant!”

“You’re not going to do something stupid are you?”

“No Derek.” Of course he was!

**************************************************************

So far Derek was dealing with a lot of embarrassment. He may be able to out romance Stiles but he had no chance with the public displays of affection. Stiles knew exactly what to say and do to make Derek really uncomfortable and so far he was doing a great job at it. Derek’s fairly sure his cheeks were going to be permanently stained pink from blushing so much. At first Stiles had just grabbed Derek’s hand and that had been fine, Derek likes holding hands what he does not like is getting his ass grabbed in public. It had happened as soon as they stopped to talk to a little old lady Derek didn’t know.

“Maggie!”

“Stiles how are you?”

“I’m good but my dad told me you were in the old folk’s home!”

“Ha! Like those lazy bastards could keep me locked in.”

“Well good for you!”

“And who is this handsome devil?” Stiles had promptly chuckled, let go off his hand and then Derek was jerking forward as Stiles hand came down hard on his ass. His eyes were wide as he looked at Stiles whose face looked like it was threatening to split in two from the smile he was wearing.

“This sexy piece of ass is my boyfriend Derek.”

“You do right Stiles if he was my boyfriend I’d be all over him!”

“Well I gotta show people what’s mine, what better way than to just grab his very firm ass.” Derek was still standing speechless as Stiles groped his ass in the middle of the park.

“I get it Stiles. Back in my day I just loved to cop a feel.”

“You’ve got it Mags! Well me and Derek have a special day ahead so I’ll come visit you some time.”

“As long as I haven’t broken out you can visit me anytime kiddo.” Stiles waved as Maggie left them. Stiles beamed at Derek and Derek honestly thought he was going to kill Stiles.

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“Your hand is still on my ass.”

“Yep.” Stiles moved so that he was stood in front of Derek and reached behind him to grab his other cheek. “Now both of my hands are on your ass.”

“I am going to rip your arms off.”

“Now that’s not very romantic Derek.” Stiles leaned up so that his mouth was next Derek’s ear “Besides if you rip my arms off how can I get you off to thank you for the date.” Derek’s not sure if it’s possible but he swears that he got whiplash when Stiles was in his space one second and gone the next.

            Of course this wasn’t the end of Derek’s embarrassment and he was seriously reconsidering the park because next came the women. And not just any women but Stiles had pulled him towards the area littered with mothers and nannies. It was a little obvious when they noticed Derek and times like this were when werewolf abilities sucked. Stiles looked positively gleeful at the thought of ruining their dreams however. He pulled Derek along by his hand and moved in much closer when one of the mothers walked over to them.

“Gentlemen.”

“Hi I’m Stiles and this is Derek my boyfriend.” The woman visibly faltered but regained her composure quickly.

“How nice. What are you two doing today?”

“Romantic stroll in the park. We’re celebrating.”

“Oh?”

“It’s our anniversary.” Derek clearly missed that memo.

“How wonderful. How long have you been together?”

“Well let’s see if it’s 10 now and we got together...1,2,3...it’s been exactly 14 hours.”

“Hours?”

“Yep! My Boo here asked me out yesterday.” The women looked horrified and Derek was about to put a stop to it when Stiles did the oddest thing Derek’s ever seen. He squealed at the baby in a tiny wolverine outfit and really, really.

“Look how cute he is Der!” Derek looked between Stiles and the kid and then grabbed Stiles around the waist and pulled him flush against him. Stiles looked completely thrown at Derek’s outburst but Derek was about to get one up on him.

“Let’s have one.”

“Have what?”

“A kid.”

“Are you...er...what?”

“Well Stiles we’ve been together for 14 hours and I have to say it I love you!” Stiles visibly blanched and his eyes were darting around at the little crowd that had come to see what was going on.

“You love me?”

“Love you! Love you and love the baby we will have!”

“Der...”

“Tell me you want one Stiles! We’ve been together long enough now!” Stiles seemed to remember where he was and he looked around before pushing against Derek’s chest and turning away from him, Derek was totally going to win this, but then Stiles did the total opposite of what Derek was expecting and dropped to his damn knee in front of him.

“Derek I will have a baby with you but first will you become my husband?” Derek knew his eyes were as wide as saucers, but he’d honestly been expecting Stiles to say he’d gone too far and then leave him in the park to sympathetic mothers. Derek looked at the expectant faces of everyone and looked down to Stiles who was beaming but the glint in his eye Derek could see the challenge being thrown down. So Derek did what Stiles probably didn’t expect he got down on his knees and pulled Stiles in to a kiss. The people around them cooed and Derek pulled back and breathed out “Yes.”

**************************************************************

Stiles was waiting for Derek to come back with the picnic basket, while he waited he checked his phone and had quite a few texts from the pack asking how his romance filled date was going. He decided to just send a group text.

**To: Catwoman, SilentKiller, PuppyBro, ScarfBoy, Archer, OverLord, LizardBoy, TheFox, Hacker**

**We got engaged and we’re going to have a baby. I think it’s going good!**  
Stiles set his phone on the table as he saw Derek coming back; he could feel the table vibrate with every new text. This was going to be fun to explain to the pack.

“You look weirdly pleased with yourself?”

“I told the pack were engaged and having a baby.”

“Well good thing everyone knows now.”

“Wait why do you look smug?”

“Well I just made sure the pack parent’s knew.”

“You told my dad!”

“That might be him now.” Derek’s smile was filled with evil. Pure pure evil. Stiles brought the phone to his ear and he could hear his dad’s breathing down the line.

_“Heeeey dad.”_

_“Care to explain why Derek just told me and I quote ‘Turns out I’m gonna be around awhile. Stiles proposed, I said yes.’”_

_“Well Dad you have a son-in-law.”_

_“He said you proposed not married!”_

_“I mean will be! Will be! He will be your son-in-law we did not get married!”_

_“Stiles I think getting engaged is a little far for romantic gestures. Maybe you two should call it a tie.”_

_“A tie! Dad do you not know me! You expect me to call it a tie! How could you even say that?”_

_“Okay fine! Just I know you and please don’t actually go through with a wedding!”_

_“Dad this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, how could you say that?”_

_“Oh good lord. Give me strength to get through this. Stiles please do not marry Derek to win this.”_

_“What if he marries me?”_

_“You’d still have to be there son.”_

_“What if he forged my signature on the marriage certificate?”_

_“I doubt Derek’s that desperate to marry you.”_

_“He could be! I’m a wonder!”_

_“Stiles you just got engaged to a man you’ve been fake dating for a day!”_

_“Its fifteen hours now.”_

_“Stiles I don’t care all that much.”_

_“But dad come on! How many times will your only son get married?”_

_“Stiles are you listening to yourself?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Right. You don’t think you and Derek can get your thing out any other way?”_

_“Derek doesn’t have my thing out in anyway!”_

_“No Stiles I meant the sexual tension between you two.”_

_“The what?”_

_“The tension.”_

_“Dad I’m not playing here, there is no tension.”_

_“Are you kidding? You two are fake engaged right now and you don’t think there’s a little tension?”_

_“No. Were just good friends...sort of friends.”_

_“Okay kid, I’m gonna go. And since I think Derek can hear me Welcome to the family son.”_ The line went dead and Stiles looked over at Derek who was just eating his sandwich.

“Do you think we have tension?”

“I sometimes have the urge to kill you but I doubt that’s what he meant.”

“We don’t have tension.”

“I got you something.”

“A present!?!” Derek rolled his eyes but pulled out a clear plastic ball from his pocket and slid it over the table.

“Erm thanks.”

“Open it genius.” Stiles made an ‘O’ with his mouth then cracked the plastic ball open and pulled out a plastic baggy. He pulled it open and couldn’t help the smile that broke across his face as he took in the gift.

“You got me a ring.” It was a plain plastic blue ring that could change size to fit the person.

“Don’t make a big deal of it.”

“Wanna do the honours?” Stiles held out his hand and pushed the ring towards him; Derek stretched it out and fit it around Stiles’s ring finger before pushing the ends back together so that it fit. Derek held Stiles’s hand in his own and flicked his eyes to meet his.

“Looks good.”

“Yeah.”

*****************************************************

After the picnic they walked over to the movie theatre and Derek paid for Stiles’s ticket and Stiles bought the drinks and popcorn. They grabbed seats at the back of the theatre and talked quietly before it started. There weren’t a lot of people in the theatre so Stiles didn’t feel bad when he leaned over to tell Derek different things about the film mostly it was random facts he knew about it or the inaccuracies he spotted. Derek mostly smiled and nodded but more than that he actually seemed really intrigued by what Stiles knew.

“Steven didn’t just break up with me.” Derek didn’t react but Stiles knew he would be listening to what he was saying regardless. “I kind of caught him cheating on me and that’s when he told me I was cynical and stuff.” Derek shifted beside him and then he felt his breath against his cheek as Derek leaned closer.

“Stiles Steven is a moron. You didn’t deserve that. Besides if you really think about it you broke up with him two months ago when you stopped answering his calls.”

“Heh you know about that?”

“Yeah. You handled it very badly.”

“I know. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone and so instead of just breaking up with him and I guess I wanted this but at the same time it really sucked when it happened.”

“I get it. Next time I’ll help you through it.”

“What are you talking about? Were engaged remember.”

“Then in that case you have nothing to worry about.”

“Watch the film you dork.” Derek beamed at him but sat back and watched the film anyway; Stiles glanced at him from the corner of his eye and then bit his lip before slipping his hand in to Derek’s. Their linked hands laid on the arm rest in between them and if Stiles couldn’t really remember the film then it wasn’t his fault anyway. It was Derek’s and the way he kept rubbing the stupid fake ring on his finger.

****************************************************

            After the film they kept their hands linked as they walked out of the theatre. Stiles was about to walk towards the parking lot but Derek pulled him in the other direction.

“Where are we going?”

“Ice-cream.”

“You don’t like ice-cream.”

“But you do. And isn’t this about out-romancing each other.”

“I suppose doing something I like and you don’t is romantic.” They walked to the small ice-cream shop in a comfortable silence and almost forgot that they weren’t on a real date.

****************************************************

            Beacon Hills didn’t have a lot to offer past the bowling alley but Stiles could honestly say that if anyone was going to try and advertise the town then this view should be the first picture. Stiles could see the whole town from here, as it stretched through the valley, this high up the air was less polluted and the stars were brighter. The moon was at its highest in the sky and the light was the only thing allowing Stiles to see around him.

“What do you think?”

“Derek. This is incredible.”

“I like to come out here during a full moon. Just to sit here and feel the strength of the moon.” Stiles shivered as the wind caught his skin and Derek shucked off his jacket and draped it over his shoulders. Stiles slipped his arms in to and pulled it round himself, the jacket warm from Derek’s body heat.

“Today has been the most ridiculous thing.”

“We got engaged.”

“Yeah we did.”

“Ready to admit defeat?”

“Derek Hale this might just be the most romantic place anyone has ever taken me and I may not be able to out do you with this but I think I can still out do you.”

“Oh really?”

“I think I can still do the most romantic thing for you.”

“Okay. Go for it.”

“Do we have to leave?”

“We can stay as long as you like.”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“I don’t go to these places with people and if I never come back then I want this to be the perfect memory. And I’m wearing your jacket after an amazing date, and the stars are so bright and if you kiss me then this will be perfect.” Derek hesitated slightly before he closed the gap between them. Stiles licked his bottom lip and watched as Derek tracked the movement, he tangled his fingers with Derek’s and squeezed before dragging his fingers up his arm and to the nape of his neck. The move pulled them closer together and Derek’s hands came up to hold his waist. The light from the moon highlighted Derek’s features and Stiles took in the sharp line of his nose, the lines at the corner of his eyes that lately had been from laughing instead of frowning, the curve of his lips and the cut of his jaw. Stiles closed his eyes as Derek leaned forward and let their lips have the slightest touch. It was almost too much as they just stood there lips just barely touching and the silence of the woods. Derek moved then, his hands moved further up his back and pulling him flush against his chest. His head tilted to the side so that their lips could slide together and Stiles gripped his hair with one hand and his bicep with the other. They were practically the same height with only an inch between them but still Stiles could feel himself pushing on to his toes just the slightest bit to take him closer to Derek. He opened his mouth when he felt Derek’s tongue lick at his lip and then it was rougher. He felt like he was being pulled even closer as Derek moved his arm round his back and pulled him in his stubble was rough against his chin. They pulled away with gasps of air and breathed heavily in to each other’s mouths.

“There may be a chance you just out kissed everyone I’ve ever made out with.”

Derek huffed against him and smiled. “Just making sure it was perfect.”

“It was. Thank you.”

“You don’t mind just staying like this do you?”

“Not really, it’s romantic.”

“You hate romance.”

“But I love proving you wrong.”

************************************************

            For his own peace of mind Stiles thinks it’s better if he doesn’t think of how long he and Derek stood out on the cliff holding each other. Derek had dropped him off at 3 this morning and Stiles should probably be worried that he hasn’t taken the ring off but whatever. He’s allowed to be a little crazy. He feels a little bad about how much he’s hoping his dad has gone to work already but he doesn’t need the interrogation face right now. He pulls on a pair of boxers and decides to face the day. His dad’s sat at the table when he goes in the kitchen. He’s got normal bacon, sausages, fried bread and eggs on his plate. Damn he’s really milking this.

“So…”

“Yes?”

“You got in late last night.”

“You were awake?”

“No but I woke up when you slammed the door, swore then proceeded to creep about.”

“Sorry about that.”

“What did you to do then?”

“Stop with the tone we didn’t have sex. We stayed out on the cliff over-looking the valley.”

“Interesting.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Moisturizer will work.”

“For what?”

“Your stubble burn.” John smirked as Stiles dropped his cup back in to the sink.

“So we kissed. You saw us kiss yesterday.”

“Yes but I know you did that because you wanted to embarrass Derek. I can’t really imagine you going up to the cliff with anyone else. Not very romantic.”

“Okay so I’ve never had a date that was so perfect and nice. Being up there was nice and the kiss was just to complete the memory of perfection.”

“You know what I say Stiles. One’s an incident; two’s a coincidence and three…”

“It’s not a pattern.”

“Okay, I believe you son.”

“Thank you. Hey, do you know anywhere that sells fake candles?”

“Why?”

“Well I’m making Derek dinner tomorrow night and I need to make it super romantic. And I don’t really want him worrying that his home is going to go up in flames so I need like hundreds of fake candles. So do you know anywhere?” John stared at his son then pushed his plate out of the way before letting his head drop to the table. It connected with an audible thump and he heard Stiles say ‘Oookay’ before going back to making breakfast for himself.  John didn’t think it was possible for his son to get anymore oblivious.

*************************************************

            After breakfast Stiles called Scott because he needed his best friends help if he was going to outdo Derek on this. Derek could take him to the most romantic spot but Stiles was going to make the most romantic spot. Scott pushed his door open and his steps faltered as he took in the things around Stiles’s room.

“What is happening?”

“I making something romantic for Derek.”

“Which is?”

“Dinner.”

“And you need rose petals, and fake candles. Are those fairy lights?”

“Yeah I can’t exactly put candles all over his stairs so I’m gonna wrap fairly lights round it.”

“Obviously.”

“You should really put those rose petals in like a cold place or something.”

“Oh there fake it’s okay. I didn’t want to overwhelm Derek with the smell of roses.”

“And the fake candles?”

“His whole family died in a fire Scott.”

“Right. So what do you need me to do?”

“I need you to be a distraction.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow. Like take him somewhere the whole day. But bring him back for like 6 because that’s when our night of romance starts.”

“Okay I’ll get the guys together and we’ll pretend it’s a guy’s day or something.”

“Won’t it look weird if I’m not there?”

“No.”

“I could go on them sometimes.”

“But you don’t. All the guys are werewolves and you always get hurt.”

“So I tried to fight you one time.”

“Five times.”

“Oh big deal. So I got hurt.”

“You broke your arm.”

“So I made an error.”

“Either way Derek won’t be suspicious.”

“You’re a great best friend Scott.”

“I know. By the way is that stubble burn?” What did his dad say would help?

****************************************************

            Stiles was a little antsy. He’d been waiting at the mall for 15 minutes and Lydia was late. Lydia was never late, which is why he’s been annoying the person sat next to him for the past 15 minutes by tapping his foot and drumming his fingers on the table. The woman looked like she was about to say something but the shrill of his phone cut her off.

_“How’s South America?”_

_“Amazing. How’s being engaged?”_

_“Who told you?”_

_“Lydia. She called me last night to tell me all about how my brother was getting married.”_

_“I should have called you.”_

_“Yeah you should but it’s okay. Want to explain what’s going on?”_

_“Derek and I sort of challenged each other to a romance off.”_

_“I see. Can’t you two ever just do stuff the normal way?”_

_“Where’s the fun in that?”_

_“Fine. So who’s winning?”_

_“Derek. He took me to cliff over-looking Beacon Hills and we stayed there till like half two.”_

_“And?”_

_“And nothing.”_

_“I’m not an idiot.”_

_“Fine we kissed and then just held each other.”_

_“Was it good?”_

_“You sound distracted. Do you wanna talk later?”_

_“Sorry I’m going through a market but don’t worry I can hear you. And I’m not sure if I can pretend Derek’s not my brother later.”_

_“It was…amazing.”_

_“Just amazing?”_

_“Fuck Cora I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like that in my life. I know I’m only 23 but I know that I’ll never reach that level again.”_

_“Unless you kiss Derek again.”_

_“Well yeah…but like were not together. This is all just whatever; we don’t even like each other like that.”_

_“Sure you don’t.”_

_“I’m serious. I mean Derek’s different now, you know he’s happier, and he’s really funny but in a dry wit and sarcastic kind of way. He’s still an ass but so am I so it doesn’t matter. And he’s more relaxed now.”_

_“Do me a favour?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“When you talk about my brother try to sound less disgustingly in love with him.”_

_“I am not in love with him.”_

_“Now you sound like Derek.”_

_“You think Derek’s in love with me?”_

_“I think if you weren’t in love with each other than that kiss might have been pretty good but not anything to change your life.”_

_“He’s just a good kisser. That’s all.”_

_“Whatever you say Stiles. Listen I have to go but call me after your date with him.”_

_“How did…Lydia.”_

_“Yep. Talk to you later.”_

_“Bye Cora.”_

Stiles hung up the phone and was surprised to see Lydia coming towards him. She was almost half an hour late; he was just going to assume she wasn’t coming.

“Is everything alright?”

“It was a nightmare getting here. The car broke down as I got in it and it took a little longer fixing it than I expected. And since I was up to my elbows in grease I couldn’t text you.”

“I didn’t know you knew anything about mechanics.”

“I took mechanics at school.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Anyway aren’t we here to find you something for your date?”

“Yes we are.” Lydia smiled then pulled out a small tube from her purse and handed it to him.

“What’s this?”

“Moisturizer. Are you trying to let everyone know you made out with Derek?”

“It was two times.”

“Good kisser?”

“Best of my life.”

“Then let’s go find you an outfit that makes him want to top it.” Stiles smiled at her and pushed out of his seat as she started towards a shop. He needed to look amazing if he was going to romance Derek…to beat him obviously.

*******************************************************

            Stiles had received a text from Scott at 1pm telling him that Derek was out of the building and he could go over and prepare the loft. So Stiles had packed everything in to his jeep and then drove over to Derek’s and made the needed 4 trips to the loft. Stiles had made lasagne the night before for them so he put it in to the fridge. His dad had laughed when Stiles had told his dad that lasagne was Derek’s favourite – Stiles hated making lasagne but he’d do it to win. Lydia had handed him a CD the night before and told him the music would set the mood. Stiles had 5 hours to make sure everything was in place for tonight and then he would win.

Stiles started with cleaning the apartment and Derek kept it fairly clean anyway so it wasn’t much of a problem. It was mainly just dragging the dining table to the middle of the room and the getting rid of the scuff marks.

Then he looped the fairy lights down the down the stairs and made sure nobody could trip and die on them. Mainly himself.

Next it was the rose petals and the candles. He had a lot of candles so he went with putting them everywhere, they were on the floor, lining the wall, on shelves, the coffee table, the dining table, around the TV and dotted around the floor. The rose petals were scattered around but mainly led a path from the door to the table.

Stiles put the lasagne in the oven to warm and threw in some oven chips because he could not be bothered to make homemade. He got changed in the bathroom and ran around the apartment making sure everything was perfect. But before he knew it, it was six o’clock and he was stood in the middle of the room and Derek was pushing the door open.

“Holy crap.”

“I know it’s a little over the top.”

“No. It’s exactly what you said. Big display of romance.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No. And since when do you care about making me mad?”

“I don’t. It’s just this is your home, you know?”

“Yeah I know.”

“Well you take a seat and I will serve our food.” Derek smiled and took his seat as instructed. He watched as Stiles flitted back and forth with different things before bringing out the plates and taking his seat.

“Oh hang on!” He ran over to a CD player and pressed play before running back to his seat. “Sorry Lydia gave it to me earlier.”

“It’s alright. How was your day?”

“Tiring but worth it. Yours?”

“It was good. We drove up to L.A and hung out at the beach.”

“Sounds fun. Was Jackson an asshole?”

“Only 5 times.”

“Holy shit he’s progressed so well.”

“They grow up so fast.”

“That they do.”

“I must say this is probably the most romantic gesture someone’s done for me so I guess in this you win.”

“So we have come to a tie?”

“Well we both won in different categories but yeah I guess so.”

“So then this is over? You’re not my fiancé anymore.”

“No I’m not. You’re free of me.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“So not totally free…”

“Thank god. My life just wouldn’t be the same without those bunny teeth.”

“I do not have bunny teeth.”

“You do and like bunnies there cute as fuck.”

“I take it back you don’t win.”

“Eat your lasagne.”

“This is really good by the way.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know you made it.”

“I don’t usually but it’s your favourite so I did.”

“Thank you.” Stiles smiled at him and they ate the rest of their food in silence but they both cast glances at each other and huffed when the other caught them.

Once they’d finished Stiles cleared the table then came back in and stood next to Derek.

“What?”

“Erm…do you want to dance?”

“Yeah okay.” This was probably a stupid idea because Stiles didn’t know how to dance but it was the best way to finish of his big romantic gesture. Derek took his offered hand and they moved closer to the CD player. Neither of them actually knew how to dance so they just moved closer together and stepped in a small circle. Derek’s hands were encircling his waist and Stiles’ were covering his shoulders.

“The past few days has been fun.”

“Yeah it has.”

“If this had gone on, would you have actually married me?”

“Of course and I’d have spent the whole time planning the better wedding.”

“No way. My wedding would have blown you away.”

“I think you’re forgetting that Lydia would have helped me.”

“And I have Erica and Cora.”

“Cora’s my best friend you can’t have her.”

“She’s my sister. And I thought Scott was your best friend.”

“He’s my brother. Cora and me are tight.”

“You’re so weird.”

“I’m not the one thinking they could go against Stiles Stilinski and Lydia Martin.”

“Stiles don’t make claims you can’t make good on.”

“Are you challenging me?”

“It’s not a challenge if I know I’d win.”

“Okay big guy you know what. This is back on. Me and you are back on.”

“You can’t just decide that.”

“I just did unless you don’t think you can actually win. Was it just words? Are you one of those guys that offer me the best night of my life then can’t get it up?”

“I can get it up.”

“Oh but can you?”

“Fine but remember you asked for this. I am going to get it up and you will be so intimidated by me that you will not be able to get it up.”

“Oh nice come back Derek. Let’s not pretend you have a monster cock. Your super skinny jeans really show everything.”

“Stiles if you’d seen my cock you’d know it. And you wouldn’t be able to close your eyes without seeing it because I am impressive.”

“You know what were already getting married let’s not involve our dicks.”

“So were agreed that you plan a wedding and I’ll plan one and then we’ll compare.”

“Exactly. You know weddings can take a really long time to plan.”

“I know. We should agree that if the other wants to date someone though that we just stop this.”

“Yes exactly that’s a good plan. So if you fall in love with anyone let me know.”

“And the same for you.”

“Glad we came to all of these agreements. Now I think this date has come to an end.”

“How so?”

“Well the music stopped like 5 minutes ago and were just stood in the middle of the room so…”

“Well then let me walk you to my door.” Stiles laughed but let Derek walk him over to the door and open it for him. “I can walk you to your car.”

“No it’s okay.” Stiles stepped in to the hallway and waved to Derek as he backed down the hallway to the elevator. He pressed the button but turned when Derek called his name.

“What’s up?”

“Er…” Derek just looked at him with his mouth moving trying to find his words but ultimately ran out of time as the lift stopped on his floor. The doors opened and Stiles gestured to it and stepped inside, Derek seemed to make up his mind as he slipped inside. He grabbed Stiles and pushed him against the wall before kissing him. Stiles fingers dug in to Derek’s shoulders as the man cupped his face. Derek’s stubble scraped against his chin and he was going to need to buy more moisturiser. The elevator jerked to a stop and Derek pulled away as the door opened for the bottom floor.

“What…” Stiles tried to clear his throat “What was that for?”

“You got your perfect memory the other night so I was getting mine.”

“Oh. Cool.” Stiles forced himself to move away from the wall and get out of the lift. He stumbled a little as he walked and when he looked back Derek looked pretty smug. Well Stiles was going to show him because he was going to look really smug when he beat Derek. His wedding was going to be so much better than Derek’s.

****************************************************           

             When Stiles got home his dad took one look at him and sighed. His son was once again sporting a bad case of stubble burn and carrying wedding magazines. Stiles came in and sat across from him spreading his magazines in front of him.

“Stiles?”

“Yeah dad?”

“You know when I said please don’t marry Derek to win this.”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you have wedding magazines?”

“Oh because Derek said he could plan a better wedding than me like who does he think he is. So now were gonna plan a wedding each and compare.”

“And you don’t think that’s a little weird?”

“No its fine.”

“Okay how about the fact that you’re clearly doing this to be with him without admitting you want to be with him?”

“Dad don’t be stupid. We made a ground rule.”

“Which is?”

“If the other falls in love with someone we’ll break up. Well as much as a fake couple can break up.” John picked up his cup, filled it with coffee and then left the kitchen muttering something that sounded suspiciously like ‘they’re gonna be together forever’. Stiles shrugged and went back to his magazines. If he could find a theme the rest should be easy.

****************************************************

            Stiles jerked awake as his phone started going off in his ear. He looked at the time and groaned when he saw it was 11 didn’t people know he was trying to sleep in. He answered his phone with a croaky hello.

 _“So imagine my surprise when I was talking to Derek last night and he asked me if I’d go to your wedding as his guest or yours?”_ That had Stiles sitting up.

_“Hang on he’s already planning the guest list! Oh that sneaky fucker.”_

_“Thank you for the explanation.”_

_“Cora this is serious. Would you be my guest or his?”_

_“He’s my brother Stiles of course I’d be his.”_

_“Dammit. Are you Derek’s best woman?”_

_“He may have asked.”_

_“What did you say?”_

_“I may have said yes.”_

_“Cora!”_

_“You’re not even getting married!”_

_“We’re still planning our wedding.”_

_“Fine. Don’t you think this is all getting a little out of hand?”_

_“You know my dad said something like that so I’ll tell you what I told him. We agreed that as soon as one of us fell in love with someone we would break up.”_

_“So you’re only breaking up if the other falls in love with someone?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Welcome to the family Stiles.”_

_“Thank you. I’m glad you’re supportive of the rule.”_

_“Oh I am. I am completely okay with you two being together till the other falls in love with someone else.”_

_“Well were not in love, it’s all just pretend.”_

_“Right. Sorry. Does the pack know yet?”_

_“I was going to tell them today.”_

_“Let me text them.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yes. I think finding out about the rule and the plan will come so much better from me. I can explain it better.”_

_“Wow thanks Cora. See this is why you’re my best friend.”_

_“I know. I’ll let you go but make sure to send me a save the date.”_

_“You’re so funny. I’m not actually getting married to Derek.”_

_“Of course. Bye Stiles.”_

_“Bye.”_

Stiles pushed out of bed thought about what he was going to do first. Derek was already working on the guest list so maybe Stiles should do that as well but this was supposed to be about him beating Derek. So he couldn’t follow Derek’s stupid plan. No he should stick to his own and work out the theme first. Maybe a superhero theme…he could finally be Batman! And Derek’s ass was made for a Captain America outfit…not that he thought about that. Okay so he thought about it occasionally it’s not his fault. Maybe not a superhero theme Allison and Lydia would look better than him and it was supposed to be his day.

****************************************************

              A couple of hours later Stiles found himself walking through the door to the diner, Scott had sent him a text and told him to meet him there. As soon as he walked through the door he spotted the entire pack sat in the corner booth. There was two chairs pulled up to the edge of the table so he sat in one of them.

“What’s going on?”

“We’ll get to that. Derek’s almost here.”

“Okay.” Stiles grabbed a seat and ordered two bacon cheese burgers one with curly fries and the other with normal for him and Derek.

“You guys are eating, right?”

“Yeah we already ordered.”

“Awesome.” Stiles leaned back in his chair and waited till Derek pushed through the door and headed straight for them. He took his seat beside Stiles and then looked at the pack.

“I got you a bacon cheese burger.”

“Oh thanks I’m so hungry. Work has been hectic. So what’s going on?”

“Well we all talked to Cora this morning and we just thought congratulations were in order.”

“So you guys don’t find it weird?”

“Nope. Cora explained everything.”

“Well that’s great.”

“Yep. So obviously to go along with this thing you two don’t mind if we just go about our days as though your actually a couple, do you?”

“I’m fine with it.”

“Yeah that’s fine with me. You know if it’s easier for you guys that way.”

“Oh it is.” The pack smiled at them and Derek and Stiles smiled back. Unbeknownst to Stiles and Derek the pack was actually thrilled with the whole thing. Cora had called them all and told them about the rule the two had created, of course everyone knew they weren’t going to fall in love with anyone else anytime soon so they figured that this would make them realise just how much they were in love. The food arrived and the pack moved on to mindless chit chat until Stiles brought the wedding up to Derek.

“So I’ve been thinking about the wedding and I figured that since Cora is in South America Kira and Erica could both help you and then Lydia and Allison could help me. Obviously if that’s okay with everyone?” Derek nodded his head because he was closer to Kira and Erica so it would make more sense for them to help him. The rest of the table however had gone very quiet.

“What?”

“Cora didn’t tell you guys?”

“Tell us what?”

“That were both planning a wedding each and then comparing them to see whose is better.”

“Are you actually having the wedding?”

“No. Were just seeing who can plan a better wedding.”

“And you want us to help?”

“Well yeah you’re our pack.”

“Me and Allison will do it.”

“So will me and Kira.”

“Great. Guys you can help us if you want or you can just do whatever.”  The guys in the pack all seemed to contemplate their choices before they agreed to help out. Scott, Isaac and Danny went with Stiles and Jackson and Boyd went with Derek. Conversations about themes and free cake samples soon took over. Everyone was immersed in conversation until Derek pushed away from the table.

“Sorry guys as much as this is helping I have to get back to work.” There was a few displeased noises around the table and he gave the best apologetic smile he could. Stiles caught his fingers and he looked at him.

“Do you want to come over tonight?”

“Yeah sure.” Stiles smiled and Derek leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips before he said goodbye and left the diner. Stiles is not ashamed to say he watched Derek’s ass as he left, he turned to find the whole pack staring at him.

“What?”

“He kissed you.”

“I know.”

“So you guys just casually kiss?”

“He’s a great kisser.”

“I thought you were only fake dating.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun.”

“Are you sleeping together?”

“Oh my god no not that much fun.”

“Sorry just curious.” Stiles made sure to give everyone a little glare but if the little grins were anything to go by they weren’t very affective.

“Oh my god we should have a party!”

“Why?”

“An engagement party! We should all go out to jungle and get super drunk to celebrate you and Derek.”

“Are you serious?”

“You said you might as well have a little fun so what’s better than this?”

“Okay. You guys plan it. I have to go clean my house.”

“Why?”

“Derek’s coming over later and my dad always wants the house clean if we have guest.”

“Okay we’ll call you.” Stiles waved at them as he left and what could possibly go wrong with an engagement party.

****************************************************

“The pack is throwing us an engagement party.”

“Where?”

“Jungle.”

“When?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Okay well let me know.”

“Will do. Do you like Captain America’s outfit?”

“Er sure…why?”

“No reason.”

“Is there anything your allergic to?”

“No why?”

“Just making sure I don’t kill you with the menu.”

“You know the menu.”

“Not yet. Are you free Thursday afternoon?”

“Yeah I’ve got the night shift.”

“Wanna come to a cake tasting?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah I booked it this morning, figured if I’m doing all the planning I might as well get to eat cake.”

“You’re the greatest fake fiancé ever.”

“I’m your only fiancé period.”

“Don’t rub it in. So Thursday afternoon? How did you even get it so quick?”

“We live in Beacon Hills Stiles it’s not like the place is brimming with engaged couples.”

“Fair enough. God I love cake.”

“Your dad’s coming up the drive.”

“Awesome.”

“You don’t want to move?”

“Not particularly.” The Sheriff came in to the house, taking his boots and jacket off on his way. Stiles shouted a hello to him and his dad came in to the living-room. Granted he wasn’t totally sure about the way Derek and Stiles were going about their relationship but it seemed to be the only way they were going to admit it. Still he couldn’t help but smile when he took the pair in. Derek was laid on his back with his head pillowed on the headrest and legs spread on to the other end of the couch. Stiles was in the middle of his legs with his head pillowed on Derek’s chest and his own socked feet hanging over the end of the couch. John wasn’t actually that surprised to see them like this he’d come home more than enough times to see them asleep like this but he had thought that maybe the “fake” dating would change things. Obviously he was wrong since Derek still had one arm wrapped around him and the other carding through his hair.

“You boys had dinner?”

“Yep.”

“Wedding plans going well?”

“We have a cake tasting on Thursday.”

“Of course you do. Derek you still coming over for dinner on Friday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it John.” Derek yawned through the words and he could see Stiles eyes drooping but popping back open as he tried to watch the movie. John rolled his eyes but flicked of the light to the living-room, he heard Stiles whine but neither of them would get up to turn it back on. He puttered about in the kitchen and fixed himself a sandwich, leaving it on the counter he walked back in the living-room and sure enough they were both asleep. He covered them with a blanket and then because he was still Stiles’ dad took a picture. Might as well start the embarrassing relationship pictures now. He sent it to Melissa and then took his food upstairs, laughing when she rang him, probably for all the details.

****************************************************

              Cake tasting was the greatest thing ever. So far they had tried 6 different cakes and Stiles had loved them all, except for coconut he didn’t have a clue what was going on with that cake. Derek had only loved one cake but he also looked like he was having the greatest orgasm of his life so Stiles let him off. Not that Stiles thought about Derek having orgasms.

“We have got to get the one with strawberries in it.”

“We still have three to go.”

“Yeah but strawberries.”

“No. Don’t do it Derek.”

“Please.” Oh god. There it was the puppy face from hell. Stiles had never thought Derek would be able to pull it off but 4 years ago he’d just dropped it on Stiles like a bomb. It was worse than Scott’s. His eyes were wide and they looked so sad, his bottom lip would quiver every time and even his eyebrows looked sad.

“Please don’t do this to me.” Oh my god he looks like he’s going to cry. This is the worst moment of his life. Stiles spotted the waitress bringing over their last three cake samples. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to do this but could we get those to go. Something came up.”

“Yeah no problem.” She smiled at them then took the cake back to the kitchen. Stiles looked over at Derek who couldn’t seem to contain his grin.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The girl came back and set the box in front of Stiles. She looked between them and then leaned closer to the table.

“I just wanna say that you two are so cute together and er…I put an extra slice of the strawberry cake in for you.”

“Thank you that is very sweet. My fiancé appreciates the cake.” Stiles pulled the box closer to himself as Derek tried to open it and grinned at the man when he glared. The waitress laughed at them both and then left to tend to another couple.

“Come on then. But just so you know you can have the strawberry cake but I am having the other three samples.”

“That’s fine with me.”

Stiles ended up making Derek try each of the samples because they were just too good not to.

****************************************************

              Dinner with his dad was different. Not overly different but different. For one Melissa was there and for two they kept giggling. Stiles has never seen his father giggle and he never realised how fortunate he had been till now.

“Something you two want to share?”

“Well we talked to the pack yesterday. And after some deliberation we got you a gift.”

“What kind of gift?”

“Let’s say it’s an engagement present. Now we don’t want you to feel pressure or anything but the fact is Stiles you have been wearing that blue plastic ring for like two weeks.”

“I like it.”

“That may be so but you’re so clumsy that you could fall over and break it so Melissa and the girls went to a few charity shops in town.”

“Okay…” Melissa pulled out two little paper bags from her pocket and slid them over the table. They grabbed a bag each and dropped the contents in to their hands. The rings weren’t the same Stiles’s was a thin silver band whereas Derek’s was a thin gold band.

“You know were not actually getting married right?!”

“Of course we do. But you two are so intent on going along with these challenges and if you’re going on cake tastings like your actually engaged then you might as well wear rings.”

“How much were these?”

“30 bucks each, they’re from charity shops Stiles.”

“What are we supposed to do with them after?”

“Keep them. They aren’t actually wedding rings; you can wear them on any finger.” Stiles looked over at Derek who was just sitting there rolling the ring between his fingers.

“What do you think?”

“Where’s the harm?”

“It would look better than my plastic one.” John and Melissa exchanged glances and tried to stifle their laughter as the boys decided they might as well wear them. Melissa had to force her laughter down as she spoke up.

“You should put them on each other.” John turned his laugh in to a cough and waved everyone off. “Go on this might never happen again.”

“Thanks Melissa. Nice to know you don’t think I’m gonna marry anyone.”

“Yep. That’s what I think is gonna happen out of this situation.” John started laughing beside her and Stiles moved his drink further away from him but he didn’t even care because they had no idea. They had to be the most oblivious people he’d ever known and they were getting married. Stiles turned to Derek and took the ring out of his hand and handed his own to Derek. Melissa held her breath as she watched them slip the rings on each other’s fingers and then she couldn’t help it she had to laugh. She loved these boys so much but they were ridiculous, they were probably going to be stood at the alter going my vows will be better than yours. John collapsed against her shoulder as he laughed and the boys slipped out of the room but the whole situation was just crazy. How they hadn’t realised this went beyond challenging each other she will never know. At least she’d have great material for her speech though.

****************************************************

              The following Wednesday the pack was walking in to Jungle with the intention to get very drunk. They had found that as long as they left little time in between drinks and kept up a steady stream of alcohol then they could have a great buzz going. Derek agreed to get the first round so he made his way to the bar. The music was loud in his ears and he could barely hear himself think as he made his way over there. He doesn’t know how the other wolves ignored the music because it just gave him a headache but this was his engagement party so he would enjoy it. There’s a sentence he never thought he would say. The bartender leaned over the bar and Derek shouted over his order, he got a nod and then the bartender used his hands to indicate the price. Derek paid and he was just waiting when he felt someone take the seat beside him. He looked over to see a man about his height with short dusty blonde hair leering at him. Wonderful.

“Hey.”

“I’m not interested.”

“I was just going to see if you wanted to dance.”

“And I said I’m not interested.”

“How about I buy you a drink? Maybe that’ll change your mind.”

“Not interested.”

“Are you serious? You come in here wearing these tight clothes and expect me to believe you don’t want attention. Fucking tease.”

“Look asshole even if I wasn’t engaged I wouldn’t go anywhere near you because you’re a dick.”

“I just came over here to be nice to you and now your being like this. Maybe I should teach you some manners.” Derek really couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him; the asshole had no idea what he was dealing with. Just as Derek was about to subtly break this guy’s hand Stiles decided to come over.

“Hey, what’s taking so long?”

“Just trying to tell this guy to leave.”

“Oh is this the fiancé.”

“Yeah I am.”

“This is who you’re going to pick over me? This kid.”

“I’m 23.”

“I don’t care. I’ll show your fiancé here some manners and then show you what a real good time is.”

“Derek why don’t you take the drinks to the pack I want to talk to this guy.”

“Are you sure?”

“You’ll know if I need you.” The man looked amused that Stiles was going to do something. Derek picked up the tray and carried them to the pack and Stiles pushed his way between the assholes legs. He pushed one of his thighs right up against and his crotch and smiled. The guy was surprised at the turn of events but went with it regardless. Except when he looked in to the kids eyes he looked every bit his age if not older. His face was free from emotion and his lips were set in to a hard line and he looked nothing short of murderous.

“Listen to me very closely you are gonna walk out of this club, hell this town for all I care and not come back. I hate people like you. You’re the type of person that makes others scared to reject someone and I can’t stand that. Now you might want to ask yourself if you’re better…fucking look at me…off dealing with me or my fiancé. The fact is we’re just as terrifying as each other. See he’ll break every bone in your hands and legs so you can’t what was it ‘teach someone some manners’. But me I’m preferable to cutting your balls off and just so you know that’s not my dick poking in to your crotch.” Stiles leaned away from him a little and the guy stumbled backwards of the stool before pushing his way through the crowd. Stiles walked over to the pack and they slid a shot towards him. Derek slipped an arm round his waist and pulled him closer to his side, he moved closer to his ear and muttered an ‘Are you okay?’ Stiles smiled at him, threw back his drink and nodded.

“Let’s get drunk.”

****************************************************

              Thursday morning had Stiles pushing out of his bed and running to his bathroom to throw up. When he stumbled back to his bedroom he stalled as he noticed Derek in his bed. It’s not like he and Derek have never slept in the same bed but there were always clothes which Stiles is wearing a distinct lack of right now. He edges closer to the bed and whispers Derek’s name. He lifts up the corner of the quilt to peer under it and he’s not sure the noise that comes out of his mouth. Maybe some sort of gasp screech hybrid because“…he’s naked.”

Stiles stares down at his own penis and tries to remember anything that happened last night. “What the hell did you do?” Derek groaned and Stiles dropped to the floor as the man flopped on to his front and dragged Stiles pillow to himself. He peers over the bed and checks the man is still asleep then drops his head back to the floor. As he’s lying on the floor he pushes his hips in the air and swivels a little, okay it doesn’t feel like he had and Derek fucked last night…unless. He peers back over and the bed and stares at Derek’s covered ass. He could just check. No that’s weird. What’s he supposed to do just like check for lube? The lube! Stiles crawls round to the other side of the bed and keeps an eye on Derek as he pulls his drawer out. He moves some stuff around but no matter how many times he moves different things the lube does not appear. Oh god where is it? He had sex with Derek and he doesn’t even remember it. Not that he wants to or anything.

“Stiles.”

“Hello.”

“Why are you on the floor?”

“Did we have sex?”

“Yes.”

“What.”

“It was the best night of my life.”

“But…”

“I mean you did things that no person has ever done. You were a total animal.”

“I hate you.”

“Of course we didn’t moron. You were completely drunk.”

“Then why are we naked?”

“It was a compromise. You said we should fuck I said no you pouted and so we slept naked.”

“I am really sorry.”

“Its fine. Even my fine ass couldn’t keep you awake.”

“I called you a fine ass.”

“Yes. And then said something like Captain Ass would be a better name, I didn’t really understand.”

“It’s better you don’t.”

“I’m going to go back to sleep now. Are you getting back in?”

“Naked?”

“We can put clothes on.”

“Nah its fine. I sleep easier naked anyway.” Derek nodded and lifted the quilt for him to get in then rolled over and went back to sleep. Stiles may or may not have snuck a look at his ass once he did.

****************************************************

              The following weeks were easy. The pack spent a lot of time helping Stiles and Derek plan their own versions of the wedding and the two spent more time together. Honestly the pack was expecting them to turn around and tell everyone they were officially together and the fake wedding didn’t matter. But that didn’t happen. There was no declaration of love or even a change in their relationship status. They just stayed fake engaged and planning a wedding that was apparently never going to happen. It was pack night and the only people that could tell you what they were watching were Stiles and Derek because they weren’t dealing with the current frustration. They were just curled up together on the couch like they weren’t killing everyone in the pack.

“So how are the plans going?”

“Great. I’ve sorted a theme, a place, the invitations and I even have a speech.”

“I have the seating chart, the menu, a place for the reception, the flowers and the cake.”

“You know what’s funny.”

“What?”

“That you’ve both done what the other hasn’t. If you put that together you’d almost have a complete wedding.”

“Yeah I guess we kind of have.” They both gave little chuckles and the pack forced some small laughs but they all sounded strained and painful. They watched as Derek pushed up and went in to the kitchen to get a drink. He came back out with his jacket.

“Where are you going?”

“You guys have drank everything so I’m just going to go down to the shop. Does anybody need anything?” You two to admit your undying love for each other.

“Nah we’re good.” They watched in slow painful motion as Derek pressed a kiss to the top of Stiles head before grabbing his keys and leaving. Everyone waited for the wolves to signal that Derek was out of hearing range before they all turned to Stiles. He pushed himself further in to the couch and smiled.

“Guys that was weirdly in sync like super creepy.”

“What’s going on with you and Derek?”

“We’re fake engaged you know that.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because we are.”

“Are you kidding? Stiles you guys spend all your time together, you make-out, your engaged, you’re planning a wedding.”

“So?” They needed a different tactic; going straight at him wasn’t going to work. Lydia looked to Scott and she tried to convey her thoughts to him through her face. He nodded and she hoped to god he actually understood what she was saying.

“You know Stiles is right, maybe were reading in to everything to much.” That’s not what she was going for at all. “I mean Stiles would know if he was in love with Derek.”

“Thank you Scott. That’s what I’m saying guys I’d know if I was in love.”

“I got your back buddy. Hey have you told everyone your plan for your ring?”

“Oh no I needed to wait until Derek wasn’t here. But listen I was thinking what if I got his name and triskelion engraved on the inside of my ring.”

“Tell them why.”

“See I figured it would like be a bigger commitment to Derek if I carried his mark. And since I hate needles I figured this would be the next best thing.”

“So let me get this straight you are going to get Derek’s name and tattoo engraved on your fake engagement so your fake fiancé feels your committing to him.”

“When you say it like that it sounds even better.”

“Explain how?”

“Because he wouldn’t think to do that so it’ll show that I’m more thoughtful and therefore better.”

“You’re an idiot.” They changed the subject after that, if they stayed on it they had a feeling Derek wouldn’t be very happy when he came back to find Stiles dead. So they talked about work, any relationships that weren’t Stiles and Derek, and Cora coming home in a few weeks. When Derek came back he handed Stiles his favourite drink and some sweets, Stiles let his head fall back against the couch and smiled up at him.

“You’re the greatest.” Derek smiled and leaned down to kiss him and the pack would just have to accept that as they’re I love you.

****************************************************

              Ultimately though the realisations came how it all started. Stiles and Derek had been walking through town together, their hands linked as Stiles talked about something and Derek let his hand be pulled around as Stiles gestured. They hadn’t even been paying attention to where they were going so it’s understandable that they crashed in to another couple. Derek caught Stiles and was about to apologise to the other people when the man said Stiles’s name.

"Stiles?"

“Steven?”

“Hey.” Stiles smiled at him and Steven seemed taken aback by the reaction.

“It’s great to see you.”

“Yeah. You look good.”

“Thanks. So do you. Oh sorry this is my fiancé Derek.”

“You’re engaged?!”

“Yeah. And this is?”

“Oh sorry this is my girlfriend Bianca.”

“Well it’s great to meet you.”

“When did you get engaged?”

“Not too long ago.”

“How did you meet?”

“Derek and I have known each other since I was 16. We met because of my friend Scott and we didn’t really get along back then but things change you know.”

“And you’re okay with how he is?” Stiles jaw dropped at the question but Steven didn’t pay him any mind, he even ignored his girlfriend when she hissed his name.

“Excuse me?”

“The way he is. The no romance allowed and the constant cynicism. Not to mention how sarcastic he is. I mean everything he does is annoying. He never shuts up. Why do you think I cheated on you? How can you want to be tied to that for the rest of your life?” His girlfriend looked mortified and Stiles would feel bad but he wanted to crawl in to a hole and stay there forever. Steven looked like he was honestly trying to believe how Derek could ever want to be with him and Derek just looked blank. Maybe he’d been asking himself the same question? Maybe he wondered why he’d been amusing Stiles this whole time. Derek’s fingers slipped from his own and he looked up to meet his eyes. Derek looked at him and there was nothing on his face to show what he was feeling but it was clear wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry Stiles.” Derek’s eyes slipped from his and to meet Steven’s. “Because I’m in love with him.” Stiles head whipped up to look at Derek and he wanted to kiss the man but then Derek was pulling his arm back and he punched Steven in the face. Stiles stood their gaping as Bianca screamed at him and Stiles knew Derek would never use his strength on a human so he should be fine. And obviously Derek hadn’t hit him that hard because Steven was getting back up and lunging at him. It was kind of like one of those slow motion fight scenes because Derek let himself be pushed down and Steven punched him in the jaw. Then Steven was clutching his hand and Derek just smirked as he rolled them over and punched him again. Of course that was when his dad decided to show up. The Sheriff pulled Derek of Steven and handcuffed him. Stiles vaguely registered Parrish talking to Steven.

“Dad! What are you doing?”

“Stiles I’m sorry but I saw Derek throw the first punch.” The Sheriff moved Derek round the car and got him in to the back.

“Oh my god. Wait I need to talk to him!”

“Come down to the station.”

“Arrest me!”

“I’m not arresting you.” Stiles ran round the car and pushed his dad. “Did you just push me?”

“I assaulted an officer. Arrest me.”

“I’m not…” Stiles flicked him in the head. “Son I’m gonna pretend that didn’t just happen.” Stiles flicked him again. “Get in the car.” Stiles pulled open the door and helped Derek slide over to the other side.

“Stiles what are you doing?”

“Why did you say you were sorry?”

“Well one I punched your ex-boyfriend and two I didn’t want you to find out like that.”

“This is the third time you’ve been arrested because of me.”

“This one was worth it.”

“I’m in love with you too.” Stiles cupped Derek’s face and kissed him. This was by far the best kiss they’d had so far, Derek pushed closer and Stiles just kept his hands gripped round the back of his neck. His dad hit the grate separating the front and back seats and grumbled.

“You couldn’t have picked a better time to confess your love.”

“Sorry dad love waits for no one.”

“Oh really because we’ve all been waiting for this for weeks.”

“Thanks for telling us.”

“I swear I will pull this car over and hit you.”

“Sorry.”

“So what are you going to do about the little fact that your engaged?”

“Erm…”

****************************************************

              His dad didn’t keep them in jail for very long. He put them in separate cells for an hour but let them out. Apparently holding hands through the bars makes you look pathetic. Who knew? They waved goodbye to his dad who was laughing on his phone, probably telling Melissa all about them getting arrested. They didn’t talk; they didn’t really know what to say so they just sat in a coffee shop. It wasn’t until the girl from the cake shop came up to them that they spoke.

“Hi, I don’t know if you remember me but I work at the cake shop you had your tasting at.”

“Yeah you gave us an extra slice of strawberry cake.”

“Yeah. Look I know it’s not my business or anything but I noticed you never put an order in and I was wondering if you went somewhere else. At first I thought maybe you broke up but then I noticed you here and I know its selfish but please don’t go somewhere else. My aunt owns the shop and she works so hard but she’d kill me for practically begging customers to choose us.”

“Wow you talk as much as I do. No we didn’t pick somewhere else our wedding has kind of been postponed but we were definitely going to pick the strawberry cake. My fiancé loved it.”

“Oh well now I feel bad. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault obviously.”

“Well I’m sorry to have bothered you and I’m gonna go.”

“It was nice seeing you again.” The girl smiled but her cheeks were a bright red and Stiles could understand the embarrassment; he had enough word vomit moments to understand her pain.

“You know we could just stay engaged.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well we’ve been together for what 2 months and so far everything has been great. And some people stay engaged for years. I mean if you don’t want to be then its fine but I mean we spent all that time planning our wedding and why not?”

“I was gonna get your name engraved on my ring.”

“I was gonna get the triskelion.”

“Why not huh?”

“Why not.”

“You know we’ve been together two months.”

“Yeah.”

“And unless you’re the wait till were married kind of guy we haven’t had sex.”

“That’s a very good point.”

“My loft is closer.”

****************************************************

              The ride to Derek’s was a little longer than it should have been because they had to pull over to make out at one point but eventually they were making out against the door to his loft. Derek pushed the door open and the pack stared at them. Why did he tell them they could come over whenever they wanted? Derek was about to make an excuse but Stiles beat him to it.

“We got arrested, admitted we’re in love, we’re still engaged and now we’re gonna fuck. Get out.” The pack scrambled up shouting a few congratulations and finally at them before they were blissfully alone. Stiles moved back in to Derek’s space and threw his arms around his shoulders before kissing him again. Derek moved his hands down his back and cupped his ass. He pulled him in close so that their crotches were pressed together. Derek caught his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down lightly before licking over the area. Stiles pulled back and smiled against his mouth.

“We need your bed.” Derek nodded against him and they unwrapped themselves from each other and they practically ran up the stairs. Derek pushed him up against the wall as they reached the top and mouthed along his neck. He leaned back and pushed the graphic t over up Stiles body and over his head. He threw the top somewhere behind him and moved back to kissing his neck his hands moving up his sides till he could drag a thumb over his nipple. Derek let himself be turned around and Stiles pasted himself to his front.

“The thoughts I’ve had about you Derek. Kissing you feels so good and I’ve tried to imagine what it would be like to have you fuck me but nothing I imagine seems good enough.” Stiles hands dragged down his arms and circled his wrists. He pulled him away from the wall and walked backwards to his bedroom. “I want you to fuck me Derek. I want you to ruin me; I want you to make me forget that anyone else touched me. Can you do that for me?”

“Fuck yes.” Stiles pulled them till he was in his bedroom, then he looked up at Derek as he undid the button on his jeans and pushed down his zipper. He moved back towards the bed and sat down. Derek moved then, walked forward till Stiles leaned back on his elbows and then he dropped to his knees. Stiles watched him as he pulled off his shoes and socks before he moved up and gripped the waist of his jeans and pulled them down his legs. The black boxers were stretched over his cock and the head was breaching the top of them. Derek moved to cover his body and kissed him it wasn’t as fast as the others; this was similar to the kiss they shared on the cliff more like something to remember. Derek pulled away and kissed down his chest as he slipped his fingers in to the sides of the boxers and pushed them down. Stiles cock jumped a little as Derek pressed a kiss to the head. Stiles head fell back as Derek took him in to his mouth. His mouth was warm as he moved up and down on his cock and his tongue licked up his shaft. Stiles would happily stay like this all day but he wants Derek to fuck him.

“Derek. I need your dick in me.” Derek pushed up and away from his body and Stiles watched as Derek pulled his clothes off. He bit his lip as Derek pushed his jeans and boxers down his body as he straightened Stiles eyes were drawn to his thick cock. Derek let him look but soon he was moving forward and covering Stiles body with his own. He reached past them and pulled his lube from under his pillow. At Stiles arched eyebrow he ducked his head.

“I was using it last night. And don’t act like you didn’t I could smell it on you this morning.” Stiles smiled at him looking completely proud of his nightly activities. Derek rolled his eyes but moved down his body anyway, he warmed some of the lube between his fingers and Stiles moved his legs a little further apart.

“Make it quick.”

“Stiles.”

“Derek, I have not been a virgin for a long time. Make it quick with the fingers.” Derek huffed against his thigh but pushed a finger in to him anyway. Stiles groaned as Derek moved the finger in and out of his body at a glacial pace just to spite him. “I will murder you.” Derek nipped at his thigh but pushed in another finger and spread his fingers inside of him. He stroked over Stiles prostate on every other thrust and Stiles might kill him because this was just torture. Derek finally pushed a third finger in to him and he sucked Stiles balls in to his mouth. “Derek.”

Derek pulled his fingers from his hole and slicked up his cock before shuffling forward on his knees. Stiles felt the blunt head push against his hole and he lifted his legs to wrap around Derek’s waist as the man pushed forward. His hole stretched around Derek’s cock and Stiles pushed his head in to the bed as Derek bottomed out. Stiles gasped as Derek moved down to bite at his neck his hands slipped to his hips and he moved with slow thrusts. Stiles moaned against him as his cock brushed over his prostate. Stiles dug his fingers in to his shoulders and dragged his nails down his back as Derek pulled out and snapped his hips back. Stiles tightened his legs as Derek hit his prostate with every thrust, his cock dragging out of him and punching back in with every snap. Derek loosened the grip he had on his hips and pushed himself up Stiles watched him with wrap a hand around his cock. He timed his thrusts with his hand, pulling out on every down stroke and pushing back in with every upstroke. Stiles arched in to him and moaned as he jerked him of. His hands were fisted in the sheets below him and his balls were tightening as he got closer to his orgasm. He clenched round Derek as he thrust in and then Derek was tensing as he came. Stiles slipped his hand over Derek’s and used it to jerk himself of till he was coming over his stomach.  Derek collapsed on top of him and Stiles breathed out against his neck.

****************************************************

              They cleaned up and climbed in to bed not bothering to get dressed because another round would be easier this way. They were laid on their sides with Stiles head pillowed on Derek’s arm and Stiles was playing with his fingers.

“I like that our rings are different.”

“You do?”

“Yeah because were different. I like to talk and I’m very expressive whereas your quiet but you say everything with your face.”

“Maybe I actually talk a lot I just can’t get a word in edge wise with you.”

“I would elbow you but I’m too tired.”

“It would feel the same whether you did it or not.”

“We should sleep so that I can kick your ass later.”

“I’d rather you fucked my ass later.”

“We can do that too.” Derek pressed a kiss to his shoulder and pulled Stiles closer to him. Stiles grumbled but still let himself be pulled against his chest. They would probably have to talk a lot more about being engaged and explain it to everyone but that could all wait till later. Right now they just wanted to sleep. Sleep and then fuck and then eat because they’d need energy for more fucking but after all that then they would tell the pack. Derek doesn’t think anyone’s going to be too upset that there staying engaged though.

****************************************************

Epilogue 

              Stiles and Derek stay engaged for 4 years. For four years they hadn’t even thought about anything more, well apart from the day Stiles suggested they move in together. That had been a long process because Stiles didn’t actually like the loft so they had to find a new place to live. One that was big enough for the pack, and needed a spare bedroom to turn in to a study, a nice kitchen because ‘we’ll have people over all the time Derek’ and a living-room that was big enough for a large couch so they could sleep on. Derek didn’t think the last one was necessary but it was actually the thing they did the most so he was glad for it. The ‘study’ however was still a bedroom and more often than not used by someone from the pack. It was mostly Scott.

Regardless of that they had finally found a place that they both loved, and that wasn’t in a too high crime are, that accepted pets and wasn’t too far away from the mall. The pet’s thing also meant they now owned a dog his name was Peanut. Peanut was a German Shepard and he wasn’t fond of Stiles. He’d let Stiles walk him and feed him but if Stiles sat near him on the couch then Peanut shuffled away. But Peanut loved Derek so he wasn’t going to complain. Stiles wanted another dog because he couldn’t understand why Peanut hated him. Derek could be nice and tell Stiles he’s missing important facts but he doesn’t. Facts like how Derek plays with Peanut in his wolf form and has since they got him. It’s just too funny to watch Stiles try and figure it out. Derek’s positive he’ll figure it all out eventually and on that day Derek will be mostly likely be fucked unconscious. He’s looking forward to it.

After the apartment they hadn’t really thought about getting married. They were still engaged, still wore the rings on their fingers except now they were engraved. It wasn’t until Stiles had been going through some old boxes that he found his old wedding plans. He’d shown Derek and told him all about the wedding he’d planned and Derek told him about his own. By the end they seemed to come to the agreement that they’d be engaged for a long time so why not.

Funnily enough neither of them won the best wedding plan because the girls took over everything and planned a better wedding than either of them. They had sex in their suits right before the ceremony just to spite them. Lydia was very angry about the wrinkles in the trousers. Stiles dad walked him down the aisle and hugged him. Derek just couldn’t believe he could have someone so incredible. Their family cheered when they kissed and they couldn’t keep the smiles of their faces all night.

The reception was more drunken speeches and embarrassing photos than anything else. John gave a ten minute speech about how he had a totally oblivious son who didn’t even realise what was happening when he was handed an engagement ring. Melissa had to take him off stage when he couldn’t stop laughing. Although when it was her turn she wasn’t much better, she talked about the day John had called her to tell her that they had confessed their love to each other. She then proceeded to tell everyone that they held hands through the bars and come on it wasn’t that pathetic. The pack told little stories about them and the times they knew they were in love. Cora told everyone that even though she hadn’t been there she still had a drunken voicemail from Stiles that she’d saved for this day.

_‘Cora…Cora! I AM GOING TO MARRY YOUR BROTHER! MARRRRRY HIM! I think I have feelings for him. But shhh don’t tell anyone. Promise me you won’t tell anyone this! Cora I’m gonna try and have the sex with him. Oh crap he’s coming!’_

Stiles hadn’t known if he wanted to sink under the table or kill her. She laughed and told him she’d known for a long time he was going to be part of her family. Scott had tried to tell a story but to this day only Stiles and he know what it is, neither of them could stop laughing long enough to tell it. Allison had presented them with handmade weapons and said it was an Argent tradition, Stiles denies crying to this day. Lydia and Jackson had handed them their honeymoon, all expenses paid trip to wherever they wanted.

Still even through all the funny moments there were still the moments that meant more to them than they’d ever say. Stiles father telling them how proud his mother would be of who Stiles grew up to be and how much she would have loved the man he married. Cora handed Derek a box and told him that she loved him and she knows that their family never blamed him; she told Stiles that he would have fit in perfectly with the Hale Pack. When Derek opened the box he had barely believed it, it was his father’s necklace. He knew Cora had always liked it but he’d never known she had it, he assumed it had been lost. On the day of their wedding Talia Hale handed her human husband Andrew a chain with a small moon on it. It wasn’t anything complicated just a gift to keep her close to his heart, he wore it every day. It might not be the same one but it’s enough for Derek. He presents it to Stiles who of course accepts the gift with the same enthusiasm he does everything and promises to wear it every day.

So the wedding wasn’t what he planned or what Stiles planned but they were both there and that’s all it needed. Their relationship might not have been done the right way round but they were happy. Don’t get them wrong they fought, they fought a lot but no matter how angry they were or how many times Stiles made Derek sleep on the couch and not the spare bed they were still in love with each other. And if Stiles never realised that the couch was actually comfier than the spare bed then Derek wasn’t going to be the one to tell him.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed but if you did not then I am very sorry but the time spent reading this is non-refundable. However I will offer that you can send me a prompt and I will write it to reimburse you :D


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